


Hiraeth

by bababoo



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Crying, F/M, Reset Theory (Mystic Messenger), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, WTF, no proofread
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:42:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24008299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bababoo/pseuds/bababoo
Summary: Hiraeth(n)hira•eth | \here-eyeth\A homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was______________________________There are many things to describe as he watch you leave,Sadness,Regret,Yearning,Longing,Homesick,All he wanted to do now is return home with you but sadly he can't do that.Ahh Hiraeth, He remembered that word as he watch you. That word that perfectly describes his situation. A homesickness for a home you can't return to.-------------------------------------------TW: SUICIDE AND DEATH PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
Relationships: Han Jumin/Reader
Kudos: 37





	Hiraeth

**Author's Note:**

> TW: SUICIDE AND DEATH PLS READ AT UR OWN RISK

A yawn,

A yawn escaped from Jumin's lips as he sat up from the bed, stretching out his limbs and hearing the satisfying cracks in his back. Jumin smiled as his eyes trailed to look at his lovely wife but quickly vanished when he saw that the other side of the bed is empty with no trace of disturbance at that side.

A harsh tug on his chest, where his heart, was felt when he remembered why you weren't there,

_You resetted._

You left him behind taking his heart with you, leaving a huge gaping hole within him wherein no such thing could fill it. Even Elizabeth the 3rd, his beloved cat, couldn't satisfy the hole you left him.

He begrudgingly left the bed to start his day, his feet lazily dragging across the floor which is very unusual. Jumin always start his day with such poise and elegance even if he's all alone, but now you're nowhere near him, he just felt empty and unmotivated.

Flicking the light switch on of the bathroom, he saw what a mess he looked like: Puffy eyes, unkempt hair, and even his pajama isn't properly buttoned, just haphazardly threw on himself to wear.

Jumin stripped off of his nightwear and walked under the cold shower, not bothering to change the temperature. As he washed himself up, his mind clouded with only thoughts of you. Memories of you and him in the shower began flooding his mind as Jumin clenched his jaw to stop himself from the breaking the goddamn dam of tears.

The way how the droplets of water fell on your skin. Your soft plump lips shaped into a cheeky smirk as you teased him under the shower, slightly grinding against him. Your ghostly touch ever so present until now, shivering at how your delicate fingers ran across his chest and back. Your lips trailing against his jaw, cheeks, nose, eyes, until it fell on his lips. A sweet lovely kiss that would always be burned in his mind.

His hand mindlessly touched his lips, fingers tracing his bottom lips. Shaking his head, he quickly removed his hands from his lips refraining himself from remembering that bittersweet memory. Quickly shutting of the shower, he wrapped a towel on his hips and head towards the mirror to brush his teeth.

Looking at himself, he saw how tired he was. Jumin tried to straighten himself up and wear a stoic look, but failing miserably. Who was he kidding? He looked like a devasted man who lost a loved one, which is the perfect description for him. Rinsing his mouth after spitting the remains of toothpaste he exited the bathroom.

Approaching his wardrobe he just realized how monotonous the color scheme of his suit was, exactly like his mood. The various shade of grays and blacks making a various array of monochromatic suits which sour his mood. Randomly picking up a suit and just carelessly dressed himself up. Collar still sticking up, the top part of his clothes still unbuttoned, and cuffs unbothered. Opening the drawers, he saw tons of neckties placed there with various colors. He tsked at the sight and picked the gloomiest color to match his mood at the moment.

At this moment, another wave of memory flashed in his mind where you helped him pick the color of the necktie he's going to wear and tied it for him. The small adoring smile resting on your lips as you tie his necktie into place. Your eyes soft yet determined to make the tie perfect. And him just standing there, hands resting on your hips as a smile grazed his lips. After you're done with his tie, your arms snaked around his waist hugging him tightly as you nuzzled your face on his chest. A quiet chuckle escapes from him as he reciprocated the hug with much fervor. Rocking yourselves back and forth as if to imitate a slow dance, a laugh resonated within you two as you dance. Twirling and dipping you as he planted a kiss on your smiling lips, and you kissing back with your hands slowly travelling up to his hair.

Once again, he shook his head out of that memory to get on with the day. Hearing a soft meow from below him, there he saw Elizabeth nuzzling his pant leg. Smiling lightly, he kneeled down to pet his beloved cat. A soft purr was heard as she leaned in to his touch.

"Hello princess, how are you today?" He greeted still petting the cat, running his hands through the soft fur of his cat relaxes him.

The cat just meowed at him and stared at him with those blue eyes. Once again smiling at the cat, he stood up and greeted her goodbye. As he walked across the penthouse, every corner and every furniture reminds him of you. The ghost of you still present within the cold lonely room.

Reaching the door, his eyes looked back to scan every corners and crevices of the room before sighing finally exiting the room. The once lively and warm homey feel of the penthouse was now gone and was left with the cold depressing feeling.

Leaving the building, he was greeted by Driver Kim opening the door for him with a gentle smile on his face. Jumin just nodded at him and hurriedly entered the vehicle and with the slam of the door, the engine started and off with their way.

Jumin watched the endless building passed by his window, an unamused look ever so present on his face. He leaned down comfortably on the car seat and closed his eyes. As soon as he closes his eyes unforgiving thoughts plagued his mind with no means of escape.

_Am I not that worthy?_

_Am I not that lovable?_

_Am I not that good enough?_

A series of question plagued him, taunting him, that he will never be good enough for you.

He felt his eyes sting slightly as he felt hot tears starting to gather. Biting his lips, he tried to hold back an aching sob trying to escape his lips. Patting his pocket, he dug in to his pockets to take his handkerchief but came out empty handed.

He heard Driver Kim coughed, gaining his attention and saw that the man was reaching him a tissue box. Jumin, slightly flustered, took the box from the man and silently thanked him. Taking enough tissue, he wiped the tears that was threatening to fall.

Bringing out his phone, he checked the messenger to know what's going on. And just as he suspected, you were there flirting around with Luciel. He was torn between joining the chat room or just ignoring it, deciding against the latter he sighed and clicked on the chatroom.

**_Jumin Han has joined the chat room!_ **

_(Y/n): Seven, why are you so cute? >_<_

  
_707: No, you're cuter! >_<_

Jumin rolled his eyes bitterly at their words. His heart clenching when seeing you flirting with another man. Knuckles turning white as his grip on his phone tightened trying to contain his anger.

_Jumin Han: Should I leave? I want to exclude myself from this conversation._

_(Y/n): Sksk Sorry!_

_(Y/n): Anyways, hi Jumin! ^^_

_707: Lolol Hiya Jumin._

_Jumin Han: Hey..._

The car stopped and he saw that he had arrived the company. He hurriedly excuse himself from the chat ignoring the protest from the two. Shutting off his phone, he shoved it down his pockets where he would ignore it for the rest of the day.

Paperworks after paperworks, ignoring the worry looks Jaehee was giving him. Jumin drowned himself in paperworks that day, one that was due for next week has now been accomplished today. The tick tocks of the clock and shuffling of papers were the things you can hear inside his lonely office.

Jumin pinched the bridge of his nose and squeeze his eyes shut when he felt his head pounding. He leaned back on his chair and swiveled the chair to face the glass window behind him. The skies are already dark and the light from the city are now lit up making a beautiful view. The moon shining brightly above the sky but due to light pollution, the stars are only slightly visible.

Watching the skies for what felt like an hour, he decided to head home. He stood up from his chair and exited his office, bidding Jaehee a goodnight and thanking her for all the hardwork today. Before Jumin could carry on in his ways, he heard his name being called by his assistant. Stopping in his tracks, he faced her and tilted his head to the side in curiousity.

"Mr. Han," Jaehee started, taking a deep breath before she could tell him a piece of her mind "I don't know what happened but you seem like you have a problem."

Jumin stared at her dumbfounded and was supposed to ask her what she knows before she cut him of

"The way you carry yourself today doesn't ooze with confidence today," She pointed out and smiled "I'm telling this to you as a friend and not as an employee but you should let loose and tell someone you trust your problems so you shouldn't have to carry the burdens alone." She suggested, bowing after she said her goodnights and left him.

For the first time, he smiled and genuinely appreciated Jaehee's advice to him. But how could he follow her advice if the one he trusted with his life had now left him? Shaking his head, he began to head home and with only you clouding his thoughts.

* * *

_Days,_

_Weeks,_

_Months passed by,_

You were still happy with Luciel. He saw you looking at the hacker with such adoration that was once for him, and him only. He wanted to be selfish and steal you from Luciel's grasp. He wanted to take back what was once was his.

Funny isn't it? He was one of the most handsome and richest bachelors in South Korea but he couldn't even get the girl. He has the money and the fame he could ever afford, but he couldn't buy true happiness that he seeks. Nothing could even make him happy. He just shut down and went void of emotion. He turned in to a perfect puppet for his father. A lifeless robot who could only nod and do his works for his father.

He couldn't take it anymore, he wanted to end _everything_. He will just find a perfect opportunity to end it.

Hearing a chime from his phone, he saw a message from the staffs of the building. The message said that there were problems with the pipes and toxic fumes may vapor inside his penthouse, so he must evacuate immediately and will notify him if everything is fixed.

_'Perfect'_ He thought as he thought that this might not a coincidence but a sign to end his life.

Hearing a soft purr from below him, he saw his cat's blue eyes staring at him as if sensing what he's planning. Jumin just kneeled down and pet his cat, running his hand across the soft white fur. Carrying Elizabeth in his arms, he stepped outside of the penthouse to place the cat outside out of danger. Once he placed her down, he kissed the head of Elizabeth with tears streaming down his face.

"Goodbye, Elizabeth. I hope I made you happy when I was your owner" He bid farewell to his beloved cat. Standing up he went inside the penthouse, ignoring the mewls from Elizabeth. Closing the door behind him not forgetting to lock it, he leaned back against it.

Inhaling deeply, he felt the fumes started to seep in his system. Hearing his cat meowing sadly from the other side of the door made his heartache and just forget everything but he knows that if he doesn't carry on with this he wouldn't be ever truly happy.

A headache started to form as he slowly feels nauseous from the fumes. Eyes turning blurry either from tears or the fumes he inhaled. His consciousness starting to fade, as he hears the hurry knocks from people outside telling him to open the door. As his vision turns black his lips formed into a tiny smile with one memory only plays in his mind.

_Your wedding._

* * *

Light,

Jumin felt light and empty. As he feel his body floating in a dark void. Opening his eyes, he only saw darkness. He wondered if this is what death feels like. Jumin floated through the darkness, wandering like a lonely soul he is.

Wandering the dark abyss for hours, he felt like he can get used to this. All his life darkness only surrounds him but then you came and lighten up everything for him. You were his angel sent from above by God. But you were taken away from him too quickly. Maybe he didn't deserved happiness after all.

When suddenly, a flash of light can be seen. He mindlessly followed the light, as he come closer the light shined too brightly making him close his eyes as he was engulfed by that said light.

* * *

Chattering,

All Jumin can hear are chatterings and sniffling of people. Opening his eyes, he noticed that he was sitting on a chair. Dressed in a white suit, he scanned the surroundings seeing flowers and candles. People all dressed in black and white, surrounding what seems like a casket.

Jumin being the curious he is approached the said casket. He tried to excuse people around him but no one seems to hear him. As he tried to touch the shoulder of the lady in front of him, his hand only passed through. Shocked, he snatched his hand back to himself and stared at it. He observed his hand and saw that it was transparent.

_'Oh, I'm a spirit only then?'_ Jumin deduced as he scanned his body.

He carried on approaching the said casket and looked down. He saw himself inside the casket laying still. Jumin looked confused and then.everything just clicked into place.

_He was at his funeral._

Confused, he searched the area for a familiar face until his eyes landed on his father. His poor father, emotionless but his eyes are saying everything. Guilt, sadness, and anger swirled in his orbs as he stared down his son's casket. He couldn't believe that his son will die first before him. He wanted to scream and beg the skies to bring his child back because he was the only one he has left.

Jumin felt a tear rolled and quickly wiped it as his eyes avoided his father. The moment his eyes left his father, he saw you with tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes and also carrying Elizabeth. An arms wrapped around you that belonged to the hacker. Jumin sighed and ignored it.

The ceremony started and ended quite peacefully. Chairman Han saying his eulogy, telling them what a great son Jumin Han is and so on. The RFA also tell their memories that they shared with him making Jumin smile. At least when he's dead, he knew what they felt for and how they see him as a friend. Jumin will surely leave this world with at least a small smile on his face.

When the ceremony ended and the casket being buried now, one by one people started to leave the burial site. The last one to leave are his father and the RFA. When his father left, the RFA stayed for a moment with Yoosung sobbing heavily and Zen comforting him.

Zen looked at the tombstone with a glare which made Jumin laugh, "You Jerk, why the heck did you leave us like this?"

Jaehee, oh poor Jaehee, she knew that her boss had problems but she felt like she didn't tried her best to talk to him. Approaching Jaehee, he rest his hand on his shoulder to comfort her and a harsh blow of wind struck the members.

"Omo, Jumin-hyung are you here?" Yoosung cried, snot running down his nose "Jumin-hyuuuuung why'd you leave us?"

Luciel and (Y/n) stayed silent as they stared down Jumin's tomb. A couple more moments passed by, they decided to leave but (Y/n) stayed behind. You told Luciel that he should go first and you'll follow, you're just going to say your final goodbyes, Luciel nodded and left.

You stood there, your form shaking as tears rapidly streamed down your face. You placed Elizabeth down and stood up. Elizabeth immediately pawed at his tomb and sadly mewled. You squeezed your eyes shut as you clenched, unclenched your fist. You let out a huge sigh, opening your eyes and the words escaped your lips.

"Why? Why Jumin? Why did you have to do this?" You cried, struggling to speak due to sobbing hard, as your arms wrapped around your body as if to comfort yourself.

Jumin felt his non-existent heart ache as he slowly went beside you. You felt chills run through your body and you shivered, hugging yourself tightly before saying the words you needed to tell.

"Why? Why didn't you wait for me, my love?" You finished as you turned to face the spirit beside you who's eyes are wide open.

Your eyes returned to the tombstone before you and smiled. Raising your hand and placing it on your lips to kiss it, then pressing it above Jumin's name. As the final tear slid down from your face, you picked up Elizabeth and you turned to leave.

Jumin watched your figure fade into his sight, as a heartbreaking sob ripped out from his throat. The pain in his heart is too much he can't bear it. Clawing at his chest, he started to regret the choices he made. He screamed and punched the ground trying to aim his anger at something. When he felt his self becoming tired he stopped and just kneeled on the ground, staring up at the sky.

There are many things to describe as he watch you leave,

Sadness,

Regret,

Yearning,

Longing,

Homesick,

All he wanted to do now is return home with you but sadly he can't do that.

Ahh Hiraeth, He remembered that word as he watch you. That word that perfectly describes his situation. A homesickness for a home you can't return to.

Jumin looked up at the sky and beg the beings above. Asking for a second chance in life, trying to redeem himself.

" Please if there is a God above, hear me out!" Jumin called out as he clasped his hands together in front of him "Please! Bring me back! Give me a second chance in life and let me right my wrong doings"

Jumin stared at the sky defeated when nothing happened after he screamed his heart out. His knees gave out and he plummeted to the ground not caring if his white crisp suit gets ruined. He rolled on his back and closed his eyes, already feeling tired. As his fatigued seeped in, he slowly fell into a deep sleep all alone and with tears continuously running down his face.

* * *

Gasping,

Jumin woke up gasping for air as he sat straight up. Jumin began to panic, eyes darting back and forth in his surrounding to guess where he is. Jumin started to cry in relief when he saw that he was back at his penthouse. He thanked the God above for giving him a second chance.

He felt a shift beside him and his eyes fell over at the familiar figure.

You were there sleeping soundly, cuddling up to him.

Jumin sat there dumfounded and began to repeatedly pinched his arms to make sure this wasn't a dream. He almost screamed for joy when he felt pain. His hand hesitantly pet your hair to see if you were really real.

Fuck, you're real.

Jumin once again started to cry for joy. He sees your body shifting and your eyes slightly opened. His breath was cut off when he saw those gorgeous orbs of yours are staring back at him.

"J-Jumin? Why are you awake? Are you okay?" You asked as you rubbed your eyes trying to rub away the sleep.

You sat up and faced Jumin but was met with his chest and his arms wrapped tightly around you. You pulled back to look at him but he held you tighter. You felt him quivering so you wrapped your hands around him and rubbed his back to comfort him. Even though you're confused with his actions, you wouldn't pass an opportunity to hug him.

"Jumin, darling, are you okay? Did you have a nightmare?" You asked softly as you pulled back to wipe his tears away.

Jumin looked at you, smiling and nodding his head to assure you and himself.

"Yes, yes, just a nightmare." He assured as he stared at you and every little details on your face.

Jumin cupped your cheeks and slowly leaned in with you doing the same. When your lips are almost near he stopped, lips slightly brushing against each other.

"Can I kiss you?" He whispered, restraint evident in his voice.

You smiled and nodded, letting out a giggle as he finally closed the gap between you.

You were definitely fucking real.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading my shitty writing hope u liked.it!
> 
> Feedbacks are greatly appreaciated!!


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